


Don't Leave Me Lonely Now

by ThePineScentedAir



Series: Say You Will [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Breakup, M/M, Masturbation, Pining, bubble baths, kind of, sort of, stupid boys in love, they're so stupidly in love with each other, we all know they're getting together in the end, workouts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-19 08:44:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7353967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePineScentedAir/pseuds/ThePineScentedAir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And it’s only a matter of time before they end up in any number of compromising positions. They both know it. Alec said his piece and tried to stop this before either of them got hurt. But they are inevitable in the way time is inevitable. They’re like an arrow and it’s mark: destined to collide. </p><p>---</p><p>Or, Alec tries to break up with Magnus before either of them gets hurt, Alec realizes he's willing to love Magnus even if it means getting hurt, and then thoughts of sex happens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Leave Me Lonely Now

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone who is following this series! I'm floored by the positive feedback and so happy you're along on this journey with me. Welcome to part three! 
> 
> This part's title comes from Bloodstream by Ed Sheeran. Any and all mistakes are my own. I hope you enjoy!

Magnus draws himself a bubble bath and, when the water is as full as it’s going to get and he can smell the patchouli oils from across the room, settles into the tub. He reclines back onto the porcelain and looks around for his drink, finally spotting it sitting on the counter across the room. Frowning, he snaps his fingers and relocates the drink to his hand. “Much better,” he comments to no one. His voice is loud in the otherwise silent apartment. _Too silent_ , he thinks to himself. As he settles in and takes his first sip, he recalls the last conversation he had with Alec before the apartment grew so quiet…

_“Alec! Come in! To what do I owe this pleasure?” Magnus, surprised to find Alec at his door, ushers the hunter in. He rocks onto his toes and kisses Alec like they have started to do more and more frequently. But there’s something off about the kiss: Alec doesn’t pull him closer or chase his lips or, well, respond really. Magnus pulls away with a small frown on his lips._

_“Hi, Magnus.” Alec shifts from one foot to the other, appearing restless. Magnus looks him over as he shuts the door to his apartment. Alec has dark circles under his bloodshot eyes and his skin looks paler than usual. His hair sort of sags, like he’s run his hands through it too many times, and he’s got an unusual slump to his posture, like he’s carrying around a huge burden on his shoulders. All in all, he doesn’t look well._

_“Have you been sleeping?” Magnus asks. Alec frowns and shakes his head. Something drops in the pit of Magnus’ stomach and he begins to grow queasy. He has a feeling he knows what’s coming next, so he declares, “I need a drink.” Magnus snaps his fingers, takes a large gulp of the cup of whiskey now in his hand, and nods. “Ok. Tell me whatever it is you came here to say.”_

_Alec looks shocked for a moment but the expression quickly fades. Of course Magnus can tell something is wrong. He can read Alec so well…he’s always been able to read Alec well. “Can we sit down?”_

_Magnus gestures to the couch and follows Alec. They sit at opposite ends. “I’m not really sure how to say this,” Alec begins. He fidgets with his pant leg and doesn’t look Magnus in the eye. It kills Magnus slowly. “But I don’t think we should be together anymore.”_

_Magnus’ heart sinks. He had a feeling this day would come but he didn’t think it would come so soon. He’s, well, he’s hurt that Alec is ending things. But Alec must have a good reason for this. He doesn’t say anything as he waits for Alec to explain this to him. Alec tries to look him in the eye as he continues. “We—“ Alec pauses. “I—“ another pause. Alec shakes his head and looks down at his hands, now folded up in his lap. Magnus sees a tear drop onto the back of his hand._

_“Why?” Magnus asks. The word just sort of slips out despite his best attempts to give Alec time to explain himself. It sounds small but surprisingly steady. He’s doing a great job of holding it together but he’s pretty sure he’s going to fall apart soon. Because he’s let Alec in and has finally started to_ feel _something for another person again. That hasn’t happened in a long time, even though he’d been with Camille all those years. And_ damnit _he is_ happy _. And Alec is happy and everything is good and nothing hurts. Except this hurts. Magnus looks away from Alec to keep from crying._

_“I’m scared,” Alec whispers so low that Magnus can barely hear him. Magnus’ gaze instantly snaps back to Alec._

_“Scared of what?”_

_Alec looks up at him with watery eyes. “I’m falling in love with you.” And, honestly, Magnus cannot handle this emotional rollercoaster Alec is taking him on. He's stunned because this is a reason to stay together, not break apart. But he keeps his emotions in check (he’s had three hundred years to learn control, after all) and controls the expressions on his face._

_He lets his eyebrows furrow. “I don’t understand how that means we have to break up.” Magnus mentally congratulates himself on keeping calm and levelheaded._

_Alec tilts his head back and sighs. He wipes his eyes with his thumbs. “Because I’m not going to live forever. One day, I’m going to die and you’re going to keep on living. Forever. And if I let myself love you then one day I’m going to die and leave you here alone and hurting. And I don’t want to ever hurt you.” He sounds frustrated with himself and mad at his conflicting emotions and determined to do right by Magnus._

_Magnus starts to lose control and to tear up. How could his perfect, innocent Shadowhunter be this pure and thoughtful and kind and selfish and ignorant. He wants to scream at Alec because going into this he knew he was going to get his heart broken. Because going into this he knew he loved Alec and he would be ok with loving Alec for as long as they were together. Because love is messy and it hurts but that’s the beautiful thing about love. But before he can articulate any of this, Alec stands. “I’m sorry, Magnus. But it’s better to do this now before real feelings get involved.” He doesn’t wait for Magnus to say anything before he hastily retreats from the apartment._

\---

“ _One hundred and twenty_ ,” Alec hisses under his breath as he throws his whole body into the next punch. His hands are sore and he has sweat pouring into his eyes but still he continues. With each punch, he thinks of Magnus. The dull _thump_ of his fist making contact with the bag provides a nice background to his internal monologue/conflict. And each ache reminds him of the temporary pain he’s inflicted now. _Because it’s easier for him to forget me when we’ve only known each other a year or two._ Alec balls his fist and goes back in for the hit.

 _Thump_. He loves Magnus. _Thump_. He told Magnus he was only falling in love but that’s _thump_ not the whole truth. _Thump_. He’s been in love with Magnus for a long time. _Thump_. Alec has never felt as safe as he does with Magnus. _Thump_. Magnus could very well be the love of his life. _Thump_. But there’s the problem.

 _Thump_. Is it ok to stay with Magnus? _Thump_. He doesn’t know how long they will stay together and _thump_ if they _are_ together for a long time… _Thump_. Alec is, for all intents and purposes, mortal. _Thump_. He will one day die and Magnus will live on. _Thump._ Alone. _Thump._ Heartbroken by Alec’s death. _Thump_. Will live on without him. _Thump._ Alec can’t handle the thought of Magnus continuing his life and carrying the burden of Alec’s death. _Thump thump thump thump_.

 ---

In the tub, Magnus frowns and shifts his train of thought. As he finishes his drink and sets to meticulously washing his hair, Magnus thinks about his last interaction with Alec.

_The next day Magnus strolls into the Institute (using the front door which is highly unusual for him) and walks right up to Alec. He catches the Shadowhunter off guard. “It’s not just your decision,” Magnus begins. He says all of this in front of the Institute’s inhabitants because he’s not afraid of his feelings or of getting hurt. He looks Alec straight in the eyes. “I’m not willing to lose you yet, Alec. No matter how much time we have together, I’m not going to let fear stop us from being happy.” His expression softens. “I’m falling in love with you, too.” He nods to Isabelle and Clary, who stand behind Alec with twin, shocked expressions. Then, he spins on his heel and storms out the way he came._

\---

Alec begins to wail on the bag, all sense of form and technique gone out the window. Breathing heavily and hands throbbing, Alec finally takes a step back. There’s a small rip at the top of the bag that is not supposed to happen. The Institute will need to replace the bag soon.

Alec walks over to the bench and sits down to shuck his gloves. _Magnus came here and told you that he wants to be with you, no matter what_ , Alec thinks. He frowns and puts the gloves down on the bench. His fingers curl around the metal on either side of where he’s sitting.

The thing is, Alec’s already decided. It’s selfish of him not to give it a chance with Magnus. When he talked to Isabelle about it, she agreed that he’s being stupid ( _“Honestly, Alec, what even is the choice here? Be with him. It’s his decision, too. You can’t just break up with Magnus because you’re afraid of how he will feel. He’s a grown Warlock and can make his own bad choices.”_ ).

So…really he’s just wrestling with himself right now. Because it’s easier to perseverate (and isn't that just the perfect word for it?) on the potential for a relationship going south than to focus on the other part of being in a relationship. Because he does love Magnus. And that is really fucking scary. But also because he wants Magnus. As in he _really_ wants Magnus. And he’s too damn horny to think straight and just wonders if all this desire isn’t causing him to _think_ he loves Magnus. A part of him is scared that, once he and Magnus finally _are_ intimate, all of the things Alec’s been feeling will just disappear and Alec will have ruined the best thing he might ever have. There’s also the possibility that he’s really bad at sex and Magnus doesn’t want him. Or that they don’t have any chemistry or that Alec says or does something to screw things up…there’s too many variables. Alec’s head hurts.

He shakes his head and stands. “I need a shower,” he grumbles to himself.

\---

In a room across town, after finishing his nightly routine, Magnus throws himself into bed and burrows under the pile of blankets. The actions are rather ungraceful, quite a turn from his usual demeanor, but if there is one thing Magnus is willing to suspend the theatrics for it’s his bed. Besides, he’s too preoccupied with thoughts of Alec to do much else besides flop into the mess of pillows and blankets.

Ok, ok, so his love of sleeping is a little peculiar. But when you’ve slept on straw beds and waterbeds (seriously. Why were those even created) and (he shudders to even think of it) _box springs_ well! Needless to say, Magnus has earned the right to be excited and childish about his brand-new, fancy-pants, memory foam, cloud-pillow-whatever mattress.

Ok so it’s not _new_ new, but it’s new enough to him. Every time he crawls into it he feels like he’s crawling onto a cloud (he should know, since he slept on a cloud once). He lies there, huddled under the blankets, and just sort of sinks into the bed. He lets his thoughts wander and, inevitably, they come back around to Alec.

\--- 

In the shower, Alec tries not to think about Magnus. He spends as much time as he possibly can thinking about the Institute and what he needs to accomplish in the next few days. But his traitorous thoughts defy him and by the time he’s clean and throwing on clothes to sleep in, he’s in Full-On Magnus Mode (“FOMM, Alec! It’s brilliant. You should thank me, your little sister, for my ability to put a name to the complexities of your relationship”).

Meaning to say, he’s preoccupied thinking about Magnus. Thinking about the way Magnus looks, the way he smiles, the way he _kisses_. Alec tosses himself onto the bed and throws his head back on the pillow, eyes closed. His hands flex by his sides because he knows what’s coming next. Try as he might, Alec hasn’t been able to stop himself from thinking about Magnus in… _compromising_ positions. It started, well, the night after Magnus came to the Institute. And it’s honestly just a matter of time before Alec goes to Magnus and agrees that they deserve a chance to fall in love. And it’s only a matter of time before they end up in any number of compromising positions. They both know it. Alec said his piece and tried to stop this before either of them got hurt. But they are inevitable in the way time is inevitable. They’re like an arrow and it’s mark: destined to collide.

So here he is, lying on his bed in his dark room, hands gripping the sheets next to his body as he tries not to think of Magnus. It starts the same way each night. Alec flashes back to The Night In Question and thinks about how _good_ it felt to have Magnus’ hips grinding down on his. He bites his lip to keep from groaning out loud and runs his fingers through his hair.

\---

At the same time as Alec is thinking about Magnus, Magnus is thinking about Alec. He basks in the things he wants to do to Alec. He thrills in the fantasies his mind conjures up, thinking about the positions he wants to get Alec in and the ways in which he wants to take Alec apart piece by piece until that beautiful boy shatters beneath his ministrations.

But, tonight, he revels in the ways he wants to make love to Alec. As his hand slides into his sleep pants, Magnus thinks about touching Alec for the first time. He smiles, knowing Alec will be shy about it. As he begins to work himself over, Magnus thinks about what expression will be painted on Alec’s face the next time Magnus has the hunter in bed.

\--- 

Alec imagines them touching, kissing, groping. The fantasies never last long (but who could blame him when he’s picturing _Magnus Bane_ naked in his bed?) but they’re _good_. Alec works himself over and thinks about their bodies grinding together. He wonders how Magnus’ hand would feel if it replaced his own right now. He wishes Magnus was here, so they could touch and kiss and _by the Angel_ does he want to kiss Magnus again. He could spend hours kissing Magnus and never get tired of it. And, when he’s halfway to climax and fantasizing about his Warlock, the answer to his dilemma is so obvious: of course he’s going to talk to Magnus. He’s too in love to stay away for long.

Alec rolls onto his stomach and props his knees beneath him to get a better angle.

\--- 

Magnus has been practicing the long game. Because he knows as soon as he gets Alec in bed, he’s going to need every ounce of stamina he can muster to stay in control. He works himself to the edge of orgasm but shies away from it. He paces himself. 

It’s excruciating. Because all he wants is to fall apart with Alec. And the thought of the boy in his bed is nearly enough to tip him over the edge. His lips form the syllables for Alec’s name but no sound escapes as Magnus, finally, lets go. His eyes close and his lips part slightly as he comes.

\--- 

Alec can feel it rising inside of him. It’s unexpected and sudden and almost _pulled_ out of him, as if the person he’s thinking about is sharing in his climax. Alec bites his pillow to contain the groans coming out of his mouth. He shakes slightly as he starts to come down.

\---

Though unaware of the fact, both boys climb out of their respective beds at the same time. They change their clothes, look at their reflections in their bathroom mirrors, and then climb back into their beds.

Both toss and turn, Magnus wondering when Alec will come talk to him and Alec wondering when he became so deeply enthralled by Magnus. Magnus falls asleep first. Alec clutches his blanket close and wonders what Magnus is doing. Before he falls asleep, he decides Magnus is worth all the hurt and worry and confusion he feels. Because Magnus is certainly worth all the love he feels. He decides to go to Magnus in the morning. Sleep comes much easier, then.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Come say hi on [tumblr](http://thepinescentedair.tumblr.com/)


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